Reality...

Can you live outside reality? I feel like I have been a zombie for the last few weeks, since finding out that I need to return to England because of my health.

I walk around like a zombie not really registering anything, but when I need to do something, like packing, saying good byes (when in Brazil) – and now its being an aunty, and unpacking and saying hellos – I ‘switch’ on to reality again.

Is this my coping mechanism to cope with my reality…

I am no longer in Brazil

I am now back in England

Maybe I don’t want to switch on and look at my reality…how quickly it has changed, and how I just wasn’t ready for it to change either.

I suppose nothing is certain about our lives – they can just change in an instant. I have to say the one thing (if I can call it a thing) that has kept me going, functioning, knowing that my reality is ok, and I will survive this transition is God. He is my constant – Brazil and in England.  He knows everything I have gone through, he knows how I am really feeling, what I have experienced, and He knows my future.

Yes, I have wonderful friends and family who know about my life and how I feel, and that have been helping me through all of this – and I am SO grateful.  I am not saying any of this to ‘slag’ you off or put you down and say you are not doing a good enough job – you are!

But God is bigger than all of this, and just knowing that I am safe in His arms, keeps me going and encourages me to want to live more in reality and to start processing everything – the last 11 months in Brazil and all that I saw, felt, experienced, the people, the culture, the slum, the people/children I worked with…and knowing that He will help me do all of this in my own pace – and then we can take the next step of the future and where and what I will do next.

So first things first…stepping and living in the reality of my life.