Salt in the wound...

Woke up to an email this morning saying... that my visa application had been accepted and I can stay in Brazil until August 2013

I remember so many times praying and submitting to God my visa, knowing that parts of me didn't want to return to Brazil as it had been difficult with health and emotionally draining at points, but at the same time wanting to stay so much, the community had just broken my heart and I loved it, I felt it was were I was meant to be, I was doing the right thing in my life...

But I obeyed as I felt this is what God wanted me to do. I also prayed the pray -  that if it is not right I should not be able to get my visa renewed.

Well....I have a visa renewal but now I cannot use it.

SO many thoughts in my head, but my biggest one - Should I still be in Brazil?
Have I missed out - gone off the path God wanted me to be on?

This news came at not the best timing for me, I have only just left, Brazil is still so embedded in my heart and thoughts. Just felt like salt in my wounds....My Brazil journey for the time-being is over.

As I stopped to process all of this - I heard the quiet voice of God, through so many Bible verses that I know.....'My ways are higher than yours' (Isaiah 55:9) 'why try and understand all the steps along the way' (Proverbs 20:24) 'nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless' (1 Corinthians 15:58) 'I have plans of hope and a future' (Jeremiah 29:11-14) and more...

Yes....getting my visa and not being able to uses it stings, it reminds me I am not where I thought I would be for a short while longer, it reminds me of the life I was living out there and all the people and things I miss, BUT it doesn't change God - who is with me, and this decision of being here in England. Even if it wasn't God's perfect plan for my returning - I do not know....but I know He will use it for the best, and His love for me hasn't changed and He is still walking with me everyday, He is slowly healing me physically and emotionally as my I feel in a way I am grieving over my time in Brazil.

I don't know everything, I don't know what's next in my life....but I know my God and I know everything is going to be all ok....which means I am ok :0)