Victim...

I hate the fact that I have allowed myself to become a victim to my circumstances

My circumstances are now dictating my life.  My emotions and thoughts are stronger than my will.  How I feel effects my day to day living. 

Some days are Okay  - and I find something positive, generally when I have something planned, and I am ok with what happened and not being in Brazil.

Some days I just have NO clue why I am in England, and will hide from the world and stay in bed, hating my life.

Some days I just ignore and try and be ‘me’ thinking it will help and if I do it for longer enough, I will accept my situation.

I don’t like, actually I am hating my way of life right now.

I want to hide from it all, until it all disappears and I can start again.

[Clearly not an option, but I am sure trying it out to be one – it’s a failing option!]

I hate that I have become a victim and I allow myself to live in fear of moving on, accepting, picking myself up again and trying again…weather that’s Brazil or actually living my life properly in England.

I hate being a victim, living in fear, having no confidence, not being happy, feeling weak, wallowing in ‘my life sucks’, not being thankful enough, not seeking God enough, or reading His promises and believing that they include me too.

ARGH! It is horrible, but what’s worse is I don’t know how to escape right now. I cannot see beyond it all, or feel I have enough energy to start the journey to living in victory and well just living in reality and beyond my circumstances.

I hate that I am scared to ‘step up’ to stop being a victim, and not being able to hide anymore.  I hate my fear to look at my life, my circumstances and deal with them…and all that comes along with them.

I hate being a victim…