CAR school

Sunday, 22 January 2012


In my life I feel I search for understanding in things - I want to make sense of situations, events, choices, peoples words or responses, I strive to find logic in things that just don't make sense in my head.

Why did that happen the way they did?
Why did the person say that or do that?
How is that possible to achieve this?

Why, What, How, When, Where, Why?

At the moment for life makes NO sense!  I don't really understand the path I am walking. I don't understand my body and how some days its great and I don't feel tired, and others well I fight to stay awake (but this is becoming less and less - YAY!) I don't understand fully what steps to take next, or what I am fully capable of, I don't know if I should take a part time job to see how I do or just go for it and look for a full time job, I don't know what job to do, I don't know if/when I will go back to Brazil.

Everything for me at the moment seems unknown. I don't have understanding of my situation - and I guess by having understanding you have some level of control over your life.

In my head I am craving understanding, and for things to make sense.

Well God wants to teach me something else...

Some friends of mine saw a job and thought of me...
It's a youth worker position in a Church, 3 hours from my home, Full time

This was going against everything I thought was logical for my life - my understanding of what would be best for me...It would be getting fully involved in ministry again, it's far from family, friends my home, and its full time work - for me I was thinking a job not in Christian ministry straight away, staying at home to save money but also have that comfort of being home too, and well part time work to see how I do, as I have not worked for a while.

I prayed about it.

I got verse 5 in Proverbs 3...
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding"

I have had that verse SO often....I was like I know God - I need to trust you. But when I thought about it more - the focus needed to be on the second part of the verse  - 'do not depend on your own understanding'.... I was seeking for logical, what I thought was right, I was trying to live and direct my life by what I understood....

So now... I am trying to not understand everything, to find reason or logic, because well I don't think God fits into those boxes....and I don't think our lives should if we have Christ at the centre directing them. I want to live a full life, and with my understanding I think it would be limited (especially compared to Gods!)

So I am stepping out of my boxes of 'I know what's best for my life' and 'Everything needs to make sense' and "I need to understand it' to trust God and trust Him and not depend on my understanding...

I am excited to see where this adventure will take me! 

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for this my lovely. Definitely what I needed to hear, Sarah xx