Revelation...

I have been thinking a LOT recently...more than usual about my life and God.
Mainly about my life before God. Why didn't I experience God as a child?

I have been reading lots of books (very unusual for me) and one of the books talks about these children and how they knew Jesus was with them. At the age of 5, 6, 7 etc these children knew they were not alone, that they were loved. I found this really hard to read - it made me cry
....why didn't I know Jesus then?

I went to church, I went to Sunday School, I did I guess all the things I could of done at that age to know God...why didn't I know Jesus as my Saviour and God as my Heavenly Father until I was in my late teens.

I look back at my childhood and early teen years - and they were lonely at times....I was the girl with no friends, but I never understood why.... Being friends with God would of been good during that time!

Did God talk to me - try to get me to notice Him? Did other people and what they thought of me just speak louder? Did I ignore Him? I don't know.

But tonight I decided to ask God ...Where were you during this time, when I so badly needed you? Said in a way of being really quite hurt, and in a sense abandoned by God, even though I didn't even have a relationship with Him them...

Well ... I didn't know Him so He didn't leave me during this time, He didn't stay silent, He didn't sit up in heaven not caring. He knew my name, He knew how I was feeling, He knew my every move, thought, tear, action and word....I just didn't seek Him out, I didn't try and listen for God.

But all these thoughts have bought me comfort - I was not abandoned by God during the hard times.
More thoughts popped into my head ... a picture of someone trying to save another person from being taken away by a storm/flood...this person tried SO many ways to save the person - shouting, throwing them life ropes, everything possible - but the person in trouble is so caught up in it all they just cannot see the help, or even think it is available.

God is/was....doing everything He can to 'save' us. He would of done all He could of done (like any amazing Father should) to of saved me when I was younger - I just didn't know - my eyes, ears, heart were not open to God.

It takes me back to the word relentless...this word brings hope, joy, comfort, peace up in me...knowing that is how God seeks after us, and how He loves us. Yes it can be seen in a negative way this word too...but to me it is all positive. God is not stop - maybe seen as a little bit like nagging, but He does it for our benefit - so we can have the best life and relationship with Him.

Relentless...non stop, continually, without slowing down, never giving up, unstoppable, persistent, constant, steady, 24/7 - all day every day, unending, everlasting, adamant - you cannot change God's mind that He loves you...

So I end this post - knowing that I am loved....but also with the passion for other people to know God ASAP...to grow up knowing God and His amazing love for them and that God never abandons us.